Often people are unhappy about all the things at which they’re failing. They turn to me for my advice on how to turn the situation around. Knowing how reluctant most people are to ask for help, you can imagine how long they’ve been trying on their own!
A good example of this is having the discipline to maintain regular exercise. My first question is how often they do exercise? They said “Not every day…”. So I ask again: “On average how many days per week do you exercise?”. The answer is very often quite complicated. Often the case is that most weeks start well and then life gets in the way and she just didn’t feel like it.
This is a familiar pattern, not just with exercise but with many things in life and business. I regularly see the same things in the workplace; someone makes a list of goals for the month or the week, then a few days in, something gets in the way and they fall behind.
Maybe this pattern is familiar to you. If you do it enough, soon you stop making plans or making commitments because it feels too miserable when you fail. The problem is usually a combination of things; Setting a goal that requires a lot of changes in too little time. Setting a challenging goal. Being too hard on ourselves and the impact this has on our motivation.
It’s all a matter of discipline.
For those who can set a big goal and stick to it, I congratulate you, but don’t make the assumption that this is the same for everyone!
Motivation is a crucial factor. “If you want the result enough, you’ll do whatever it takes”. Sometimes we want the result, but not at the expense of what it will take to achieve instant results. Often focusing on the result and wanting the end result isn’t enough for everyone.
Alternatively, imagine your goal is like winning a 1 mile race. The world record is 3:43.13 so if your goal is to set a new world record, you’ll need to be exceptional. However, if you’re in a race with some fairly average competitors, as we often are in business, and they’re doing the equivalent of running a mile in 5 minutes… then you only need to run it in 4:59 to be the best. If you mistakenly set your goal as beating 3:43.13 then you’re going to be setting yourself up for disappointment.
Are you unintentionally planning to fail?
Our ability to perform well is intrinsically related to how we feel. If we feel like a failure, we’re likely to keep failing. If we feel like we’re winning, we’re more likely to perform better and enjoy the journey.
If you set a goal to do something daily, how are you going to exceed your goal? In any one week you have seven opportunities to fail, one opportunity to succeed, and little chance of exceeding your goal. This is what I’d describe as setting yourself up to fail and feel miserable. In reality, the vast majority of people will not do what they set out to do every single day, hence continually feel they are failing and become demotivated.
Do you focus on failure? Or on success?
The best way to achieve success is to learn to have a positive attitude towards failure. You can choose your own attitude, but mine is this; Failing is a sign that you’re trying, and that is a good thing! Someone who never fails is someone who isn’t trying very hard. But keep in mind that if you fail in the same way multiple times, it’s a sign that maybe you need to make adjustments and improve your skills or get some help.
However, failure due to inappropriate planning, e.g none, is foolish. Failure due to poor planning and lack of preparation is even more foolish! In day to day life, the quickest route to success is to set small goals, plan and prepare, and have a go. When you’re consistently successful, increase the goal and try again. Each small failure along the way is cause for celebration.
If you want to learn to plan for success then book in a call with Jeremy.
